Insecure

For blog

No one dislikes you. You’re not ugly or stupid. But there will always be someone prettier, smarter and more talented. But that’s life and you have to get on with it. Like a song by Dodie that I love, you’re a 6/10. These are the thoughts I have been having recently and I thought I would collect them together into a blog post…

I would describe myself as an introvert. I find it hard to be myself or speak up around people that I don’t know, and sometimes around people I do know. However, I worry that this comes across as me being stand-offish, when in reality I am just a very shy person.

I get so anxious that people won’t agree with what I say or won’t find my jokes funny, so sometimes I just stay quiet.

I am insecure about my body. Isn’t everyone? I constantly compare myself to other people. I don’t like my thighs or my stretch-marks on my hips. But I won’t let that stop me wearing a bikini. I just wear bikini tankini boy-shorts. I don’t like my eyebrows (or lack of) or my flat hair, but I wear makeup and curl my hair.

When people say, “no, no Erin, you look nice”, they are seeing me with my makeup I have ever-so-carefully applied just how I want it and the clothes I have chosen to wear like floaty dresses and oversized jumpers.

When I sometimes branch out and wear slightly tighter things, I feel so uncomfortable that I end up wanting to curl up in a ball and hide all day. This is also the reason I constantly walk around and sit with my arms folded, which I think makes me look like a very closed-off person.

However, recently I have been feeling more secure about myself. Without my very shy nature, I wouldn’t be Erin. And hey, being shy: people open up to me as they see me as a trustworthy person (which I am). I still wouldn’t go out without makeup on or in clothes that are figure-hugging and show my body too much. But, I am getting there.

Sorry for this super deep post. I just wanted to get things off my chest. Back to my usual self next week :-).

The video I made while creating the title –

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4 thoughts on “Insecure

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